Hospital

Most people dont know that I suffer from clinical depression and anxiety disorder. This past weekend I had to be hopstialized due to these conditions. This was the 3rd time I had to be hospitalized.

For the most part the meds that I was one had worked very well until a few months ago. They started to be less effective and I began to feel the depression and anxiety coming back. Not too much at first just a couple little bouts which me and my Dr figured was just the normal blues.

But as time went on the bouts got much more intense and lasted longer. In fact looking back the depression had never left during the period. It just got more intense. I can see how i was driving people crazy with it. With the constant putting myself down and the feeling of being "not good enough".

And for all the people who I angered or hurt during this period I truly am sorry.
When I was caught up in the middle of that i was saying and doing some very insane stuff. Stuff that isn't in my nature and I hope those people can and will forgive me for it.

I had started this blog along time ago but didnt really know what I was going to use it for. But with the suggestion of the therapist and Dr's at the hosptial I am going to use it as a way to right out my feelings and try to monitor myself so that hopefully I dont go through this type of bout again.

It was terrible and scary all the coping skills I was taught from therapy and things I have read and used in the past didn't work.

My first Post

I created this blog back in October 2011. At the time I wasn't sure what I planned to do with this, recently I have decided that I will use this to talk about my interests which vary from the normal run of the mill stuff to politics, different websites, music, and the fetish I have for women's combat.

Devil's Den

I plan to use this place to write about my interests, thoughts, and some general rantings.
Hopefully someone will find whatever i write about to be interesting.